⭐️ The Fantasy vs. The Man
Mary met Paul at a party and was immediately impressed by his charm, attention, and clear interest in getting to know her. At the end of the night, he offered to take her home and asked her out on a date. After a few weeks, they started seeing each other.
But Mary began to notice a pattern. Paul only reached out when it suited him. He didn’t make an effort to meet up when she suggested it. His excuses were always the same: “I’m swamped with work,” or “Things are just really hectic right now.”
Over time, she realized he wasn’t consistent. He would say he’d plan something, but never follow through. He wasn’t emotionally available, and it became clear she wasn’t a priority in his life. Still, she held on to hope. She saw potential and clung to it. Every time he showed a glimpse of interest, she imagined a future together, telling herself, “It’s just a phase.”
This is what happens when we fall for the idea of someone rather than the person in front of us. We ignore the facts and hold on to the feeling. We remember how things started, not how they’re going. We focus on who they could be — not who they are, right now, in reality.
It’s easy to do. Especially when the first impression is strong. When someone shows you just enough to spark your imagination, you fill in the rest with hope. You convince yourself that the distance, the emotional unavailability, the mixed signals — are all temporary. That eventually, they’ll become the version you created in your head.
But the truth is: people don’t change just because we wish they would. And a relationship built on potential will always leave you feeling disappointed. Because you’re not actually connecting with the real person — you’re chasing a version of them that only exists in your mind.
What Mary needs to understand is that her feelings are valid, but they were based on a version of Paul that doesn’t exist. She wasn’t wrong for hoping — but now she has to be honest with herself. The man in front of her is not willing to invest in the relationship the way she is. The healthiest thing she can do is to stop waiting for him to become someone he’s not, and instead choose herself. Walk away with clarity, not bitterness. Let go of the fantasy, and make space for a real connection — with someone who shows up, not just talks about it.
If you recognize yourself in Mary’s story, ask yourself this: Are you in love with who he is — or with who you hope he’ll become? Don’t waste your time trying to convince someone to be ready. If you’re always the one doing the work, justifying the silence, and filling in the gaps — it’s not love. It’s emotional labor. And you deserve more than potential. You deserve presence, consistency, and truth.
Stop building castles with someone who doesn’t even bring bricks.
🍸 Tonight’s Me Time: a dry martini in hand – a great low carb choice, for my cheat day.
And the movie of choice is Mad Max: Fury Road. I admire Charlize Theron — she’s sharp, versatile, and always compelling. This one looks intense. Let’s see how it goes.
Bye-bye! 💋
